Place: Linnie Labs Interrogation Room
Time: 9:00 am ST (school time)
Interviewer: Truant Officer Joe Friday
The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Joe Friday enters a small room containing a table and two chairs. One of the chairs is occupied by a young very cute red haired girl wearing glasses.
Joe Friday drops a large file folder on the table and sits opposite the girl.
JOE FRIDAY
(flashes his ID quickly at the girl)
My name is Joe Friday. I am the truant officer for LL.
For the record, what is your name?
EMMY
(smiles shyly)
Emmy
JOE FRIDAY
Sorry, we can't use real names in this story.
EMMY
Oh yikes … should I use my alts name?
JOE FRIDAY
No, we will continue to use Emmy because you are probably not that innocent.
EMMY
That is what my mom says.
JOE FRIDAY
So Emmy, if that is your real name, do you know why you are here?
EMMY
(winks)
To tell me how cute I am? Most men do.
JOE FRIDAY
(points to the large well worn file folder sitting on the table in front of him and in a commanding voice)
Don't get smart young lady. We have a huge file on all your activities.
EMMY
(reaches out for the file folder)
Wow cool … Can I have a copy?
JOE FRIDAY
(quickly pulls back the file folder and slaps Emmy's hand)
No you can't. We are still passing it around to everyone at LL for bedtime reading.
JOE FRIDAY
(begins leafing through the file folder)
Someone, who shall remain anonymous, has brought some serious charges against you?
EMMY
(in an excited voice)
Oh cool. I bet is was annemarie. Spelled with a small a. She is always pulling jokes on me.
JOE FRIDAY
No it wasn't annemarie.
EMMY
(even more excited)
Oh, then it must have been Innini. Was it Innini?
JOE FRIDAY
(getting frustrated)
NO! it wasn't Innini.
Now pay attention young lady. Someone, who shall remain anonymous, …..
EMMY
(quickly cuts in)
It must be one of the Fish Girls because the file folder does smells a little fishy.
JOE FRIDAY
(slams his right hand on the desk top)
No it wasn't one of the Fish Girls! It was Jimmy Resident!
EMMY
I thought the name was suppose to remain anonymous?
JOE FRIDAY
(running his fingers through his hair and looking up at the ceiling)
OMG, I am now starting to understand why your mom has hired a lawyer to see if there are any "loop holes" in your adoption papers she can use.
EMMY
(questioning expression)
She has?
JOE FRIDAY
Now back to the allegations young lady. The charge against you is being in the proximity of sex balls. This is a clear violation of our community standards.
EMMY
(shocked)
Yikes! Sex balls? No way! Never!
What sex balls?
JOE FRIDAY
(places two 8 x10 color photos on the table and pushes them towards Emmy)
These sex balls.
(takes a long look at each photo)
Those aren't sex balls.
JOE FRIDAY
They are so sex balls. One is blue and the other is pink. There you are standing next to them.
EMMY
First of all, that is not me. If you look closely at the second photo that person is as thin as a piece of paper. She is one of my clones.
Secondly, they may look like sex balls but they are really Claes Oldenburg's latest sculpture.
JOE FRIDAY
What? Who is Claes Oldentburg? Another one of you boy friends?
EMMY
No! But he is old enough to be my grandpa.
(continues talking in a rapid voice like she does when giving a school report)
According to Wikipeda, Claes Oldenburg is an American sculptor, draughtsman, printmaker, performance artist and writer of Swedish birth. Oldenburg’s embrace of the commodities of materialist culture as subject-matter placed him in the forefront of what became known as Pop Art; his published writings on his work are among the most vivid texts produced within the movement.
JOE FRIDAY
Swedish birth you say? Sounds like a left wing radical.
(writes his name down for further investigation)
EMMY
No he is really a nice guy. Many of Oldenburg's large-scale sculptures are of mundane objects which are very whimsical, insightful, and are fun additions to public outdoor art. His sculptures are quite large and often have interactive capabilities.
JOE FRIDAY
Interactive capabilities? Like sex balls?
EMMY
Well not that "interactive". Here I have a few pics of Oldenburg's sculptures on my iPhone.
(passes phone)
You call that art? Looks like a typewriter eraser and a badminton birdie to me. You can see that stuff all over Second Life.
EMMY
Yes but not in Real Life. That is what makes them so cool.
JOE FRIDAY
So why are these sex balls for big?
EMMY
According to the magazine, "Second Life Art Today", they represent man's inferiority complex regarding his penis.
JOE FRIDAY
What? Young lady, I will have you know that size isn't everything.
EMMY
(crosses her legs like Sharon Stone did in the movie "Basic Instinct" - hears the sounds of a clicking camera)
What was that noise?
JOE FRIDAY
(looking embarrassed)
What noise?
EMMY
(re-crosses her legs — her short skirt revealing more than it should - hears more clicking)
That noise! It sounds like a camera. Are you sure you are a real truant officer?
JOE FRIDAY
(adjusts his tie - gulps)
You looking for new daddy or another boyfriend?
EMMY
Yikes! No!
JOE FRIDAY
How about an uncle? I have never been an uncle before but I bet I could make a nice one.
EMMY
Let me see your ID again.
JOE FRIDAY
(flashes ID)
EMMY
(grabs ID and looks closely)
Hey this ID looks fake. You are wearing a Groucho nose, glasses and mustache.
JOE FRIDAY
(poofs)
EMMY
(scoops up the file folder with the big "Fishie Press" logo on it - talks to herself)
Well, that was a bit weird but no more than normal. Guess I now have something to read tonight.
THE END
Cool stuff!
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